Dear Wounded Bird,
It has taken me a while to come to terms with the realities of our former friendship dynamics. This summer, I am working on healing myself through mediation, mindfulness and self-exploration.
The hardest part has been accepting, after having realized, that the way you treated me was abusive, emotionally abusive. I had been lulling in sadness pertaining to your treatment for a while, only to have progressed to anger. As the wave of irate emotion has reached its peak and has come crashing down like a tsunami, swallowing up all forms of rational thought and dominating over all other emotions, it has finally ebbed away. And I now feel calm; I fully embrace the blanket of tranquility that eagerly wrapped itself around my body and mind.
I recognize that no justification of your maltreatment to me exists, especially when I was fragile being at my all-time low. No justification exists for a being to inflict pain and damage onto another. Your behavior, sadly, was unacceptable. Selfish prerogatives had seemingly plagued your actions, masked with “good” intentions.
I write to you now to inform you that I forgive you. I forgive you for having used me as your emotional punching bag when I was unstable, suicidal and confused. I forgive you for trying to control me when you felt like situations were uncontrollable. I forgive you for putting me through emotional trauma as my own childhood traumas were making their own guest appearances. I forgive you for your selfish actions because I recognize, now, that those who are hurting are those who spread their pain through painful acts. You were a wounded bird who preyed onto another wounded bird. I hope that one day you will allow your pain to come to an end. It will. It takes courage and acceptance of your humanness and vulnerability. Then you can move on and grow.
For all of the harm, I forgive you. However, my forgiveness is not an act to soothe your mind and ego but to allow myself to be at peace from within. I forgive you not for you or for your actions but for myself. I forgive you so as my personal growth may flourish, my fears dissipate, and to embrace my humanness, passion, vulnerability. I thank you for this experience as from it I have only grown stronger.
Have a fantastic summer.
Wishing you all of the best,
Forgiving and Letting Go
Olympia Christofinis