I can’t even count how many times people confuse me for my younger sister. It doesn’t anger me, I understand that to the untrained eye it is really easy to get us confused. What does anger me-infuriates me- is when people ask if I’m “The superstar athlete that plays basketball in college?” Um, no. That would be my little sister. “Oh, I can’t seem to place you. What did you do in high school?”
Granted, I live in a small town, and my dad owns one of three restaurants in that small town, so everyone generally know me as “Dennis’ daughter.” Which daughter I am, however, is typically lost on people.
This has been an ongoing stitch in my side throughout most of my life that I thought I had mended once I came to Rutgers and established an identity. I felt that I grew into my true self. But alas, after I moved home to work three jobs for one last summer before I get a big girl job, the old wound has reopened.
People always love to talk to me about my brother and how he’s doing so great and how my sister is a phenomenal athlete. And I am exceptionally proud of my brother and sister. My sister is my best friend. My older brother is a great guy. They will do great things.
Regardless, this casual chit chat has left me feeling somewhat faceless in my hometown and somewhat of a black sheep within my family. I’m not going to grace you all with a sad tale of how “its so hard to be me” and “I have middle child syndrome” and “my parents don’t love me” and blah blah blah. Because I love my family, they love me, and I typically love to be me when I’m not working seventy hours a week in the ninety-degree weather in a resort town during a recession.
I am writing to say that you create your own face. I can only feel faceless if I let myself feel faceless. I’m starting to know a little bit about who I am, and that sure as shit isn’t defined by anything I did in high school or in my hometown when I was a completely different person. No one can take that away from you. Own who you are, and let people think what they will, because the only opinions that should matter to you are the thoughts of people in your life who are important to you.
I am also writing this to say that all that sadness I admittedly once felt about being somewhat of a black sheep- an artsy kid in a sporty family- gave me extreme ambition.
All of my experiences I’ve had as a middle child has given me a burning desire to succeed. I can’t even explain it. I just want to do good for myself and for my family and to be the best at whatever it is I decide to be. No one can take that drive away from me.
I guess my point in saying all of this is that you are the master of your own key. You’re holding the reins to your own life, and all you have to do is decide how you want to steer the carriage.
Lizzie Roberts