by Izilda Jorge
When we hear the word ‘love’ our immediate association of it is the romantic couple. Come to think of it, most of the love songs out there deal exclusively with romantic relationships (surprise, surprise, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper won the Pop Duo Grammy this year for the love song, “Shallow”). Is this all there is to love songs? Palatable soundbytes of vague one-dimensional musings of how beautiful she is or how good he feels inside you? Love songs tend to tackle romance as if love does not exist in other capacities. We don’t nearly see songs talking about the deep bonds of friendship as much as we see dealing with romance. Where are these expressing the mutual love you have for your friends? The ones about being absolutely enamored with the sublime?
Sure, we can argue that popular love songs are for topical enjoyment, strictly for entertainment, marketed for mass consumer consumption. It would be easy to stick with this if it not for the fact the vast majority of songs that swamp your soundcloud or radio station are about this romantic love. Because of this reality, we can also address how love songs tend to uphold potentially damaging beliefs we hold with regards to love and the self.
These anthems can often fuel the frenzy of February relationships. February hits and we are assaulted with dedication posts to partners (on top of the monthly anniversary pics). Stores are filled with god-awful shades of pink and red that we associate with ‘love’. Everyone asks you about your Valentine’s day plans, as if you should have them. You’re walking down the street and for every girl carrying a rose there is a horde of people with balloons and bouquets. Will you be getting those flowers? No. What you’ll get is another reminder that you’re a alone and everyone else seemingly isn’t. February is intense, to say the least, but it’s familiar. Meaning, these might be pressures or beliefs we experience beyond the ‘love season’ attached to February.
The Solo Recital, Vittorio Reggianini
And just what’s the problem, you may ask, are you simply bitter because you have yet to experience the warmth of safe attachment from a partner you can wholeheartedly trust? Bitter or not, this doesn’t change the fact that the representation of couples and love perpetuates a detrimental belief that we lack completion without a partner. We hardly seem to recognize ourselves outside of the context of an ‘other’; these love songs are one of the many media platforms that lend a hand in preserving this archaic ideal.
With this presence of relationships and romance, we begin to doubt our life, even if we may be content in other places (academically, professionally, etc). We start to get nervous that maybe there’s something wrong with us. If everyone can find someone, why can’t we just do the same? It’s like we get the sense we’re missing out; we aren’t experiencing the same happiness as these couples do. So we’ll drag our feet and keep up the search, looking for anyone to connect to, even if we foresee an inevitable parting of ways from the get-go. This phenomenon is all too familiar. Whether or not we want to acknowledge it, we’ve all played into this cycle, be it on the giving or receiving end of it. This rat-race to fall in love and link up is evident of a collective societal pressure that is fueled off insecurities we didn’t always have. Since when did we have these doubts about ourselves and future prospects on the basis of a partner? That we lack a some ‘meaningful’ connection as a result of some personal deficiency of ours?
The overarching issue, in part, is that we hardly recognize being alone, or ‘single’, as being complete within itself. It is not necessary to exist in the bounds of an another. Being in a relationship isn’t the default, nor is being alone a defect. There are still meaningful relationships to be had, and pleasurable experiences, be it with a good friend or flying solo. It is time we romanticize the self the same way we do when it’s connected to a partner.
Love songs are in and of itself reminders of this collective pressure to match up with others. They are potential triggers of previously failed relationships, personal inadequacies, and serve as the unbearable scratch to reconnect and date for the sake of escaping the single status. Let us remember that whether we are in a relationship or single, we can still have fulfilling experiences all the same.
Some songs outside of romantic love (or love in general):
Death Grips: “Get Got”
Built to Spill: “The Plan”; “Broken Chairs” [you can’t just pick a single song from BTS]
The Marías: “I Don’t Know You”
Parcels: “Lightenup”
Soccer Mommy: “Your Dog”
Vundabar: “Shuffle”
Prince Daddy & the Hyena: “Nika’s Got It Wrong”
Alvvays: “Not My Baby”
Kurt Vile: “Pretty Pimpin”