by Esra Abdulrahman
It’s so easy to hate on Valentine’s Day! Sooooo easy. The capitalist overlords did all the work themselves when they plastered romantic and nauseating ads and Instagram posts as far as the eye can see, as Izilda points out. Love, a word so broad that humans have been dissecting it from the advent of time, is reduced to White Person #1 and White Person #2 peddling expensive chocolates and diamonds with some Don Draper-esque copywriting. And it rings hollow in the hearts of people who, alienated by the stringent and intimidating social sphere of dating, don’t have a partner for themselves. Modern romance has turned into an elaborate dance that’s even less about the connection as people use each other as coping mechanisms. The cynicism and escapism have sullied the good name of love and our willingness to love each other.
But hey, why is Valentine’s Day and love any different than any other media that we as an evolving society have criticized, infiltrated, diversified, and repurposed? The ideas of self-love, eliminating toxicity from our lives, and honoring the balance of our spaces have become widely popular. And while many of us struggle with mental burdens that aren’t easily shaken even by the funniest of memes, it’s undeniable that taking steps to improve one’s life is the new wave. Marie Kondo’s burgeoning popularity is the clearest example of this. Our minds and spaces are so cluttered by thoughts and presences that we are uncomfortable in our own minds and relationships. Through rigor (and love), we can improve ourselves. And that doesn’t mean we chuck everything only to be left with something pristine and identical to everyone else’s, like Ikea furniture. We learn to respect the odd things, habits, and interests within ourselves, eliminate that which has no function or love, and we move forward. Unfortunately, like all hardwired mindsets and addictions, it’s easier on paper. But to open our eyes is the first step.
So back to Valentine’s Day. We’re tired of the popular conceptions of love, so why not challenge them? Why not change our personal reaction to the pink and red and the seemingly shallow gestures of love? If it’s everywhere, why don’t we make something of it our own? The music and art that are created from love are yes, largely romantic in nature. But doesn’t that move you? The soaring violins, sweeping chords, and the soulful crooning? So many people found solace, adoration, and tenderness in another person that they wanted to immortalize that feeling in a tune. The majority of my music library is love songs, but I’m often so lost in the poetry of the lyrics, the warmth of the bass, and gorgeous instrumentals to even want to carry on a dreary and perpetual lament. If anything, it makes me wonder about moments that I’ve already attached the the songs, upbeat, unsure and sad memories alike. Daniel Caesar’s voice melts away my surroundings and reminds me of the summer, running in the park under the golden sunlight filtering through the trees and riding the swings the day before my birthday. “偶遇” by Faye Wong feels like a walk in the moonlight, brisk and adventurous, entirely dreamy. I can’t count how many times I’ve fallen to sleep during car rides home listening to Jorja Smith, or pondered over “Ahwak” by Abdel Halim Hafez. The love in those songs might not be dedicated to me, or any one of their listeners but one, but I make it my own. It brings color to my life, and I share those moments running through New Brunswick, New York City, or anywhere across the globe with friends. Singing along to the radio with friends, sending each other recommendations, making mixtapes, coming to your friends’ shows… we already take the sentimentality behind romantic themes as a universal currency. If that’s not enough, there’s always the possibility of making songs for your friends or anyone or thing that endears you. I was personally crying yesterday to a two-song playlist about dogs, consisting of “Your Dog Loves You” by Colde and “Bye Bye” by Luna, and I don’t even have a dog. Push come to shove, nothing’s stopping you from listening to such artistic masterpieces as “I’m Sexy and I Know It” by hallowed legends LMFAO or “Gangnam Style” by Psy. There’s always a way to express your love, to rebel against the heterogeneous representation of love, and to do so endlessly. Even if you can’t escape it, at least there’s discounted chocolate.