At the start of 2017, I did not set out to lose ten pounds, climb mount everest, or learn Mandarin. While those are all worthy endeavors, I had only one resolution on my list: to become the best version of myself. A year long journey towards personal growth.
This was a truth seeking journey dedicated to being better. At the end of 2016 I was halfway into my college career spending my winter break buried in internship and scholarship applications. For the many of you who have been there you know how much self reflection the process induces. I felt like I had yet to really access my potential, to have supportive people around me, and to let go and let life happen. The solution was to embark on a mission to self awareness, mindfulness, and self actualization.
To begin you have to prepare yourself for change. We often don’t realize it but we all want to stay the same, settle for the comfortable out of fear for the unknown, it’s how humans are wired. Wired to protect and guard in the presence of fear.
Out of its context, the Alcoholics Anonymous mantra provides some sage wisdom. At the beginning and end of every meeting they say, “allow me to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
First stop on the journey was to write it all down. In January I dedicated a journal to personal progress. I set out to journal at least two pages a day, once a day. Whether it be moaning and groaning about my day or cataloging epic and not so epic realizations. Journaling is a cleansing process, it allows you to get all of the obsessive thoughts clogging your mind out on paper for either reflection or disposal.
If you can’t commit to a journal then go for typing quick notes on your phone. I ordered these cute little mini notebooks off Amazon and always brought one with me wherever I went, sort of like my “handy dandy notebook.” By the end I had a stack of scribbles and a clear mind. When you clear your mind you open a doorway allowing the universe to swoop in.
Next thing is to get to know yourself. What you will probably discover that you are pretty great. Pay attention to your little quirks, have conversations with yourself, and don’t be afraid to do things alone.
Before, it felt like time was made up of small windows. Segments of time spent doing different things and never having time to myself. I realized there were a lot of pockets in the day I wasn’t utilizing. Moments like the bus to class so I spent them looking out the window and jotting down thoughts in a mini journal. Mornings in college are often a myth. You’d be surprised how much time you would have in the day if you woke up even an hour or so earlier. When I bought an actual alarm clock instead of just using my phone, I began waking up earlier; it was like a whole new world, hours were added on to my day.
On my journey I got really into the concept of “mindfulness.” My mom turned me onto Deepak Chopra and the Chopra Center for Wellbeing. Deepak Chopra is a world renowned doctor on many fronts and a pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation. One of the biggest things practiced at the Chopra center is mindfulness and self-awareness.
According to Business Insider Chopra defines “mindfulness” as a “conscious, unattached, non judgemental awareness” that is useful to bring “clarity to mind and more insight and intuition and creativity” into one’s life.
Mindfulness raises the point I made earlier about being clear headed. Mindfulness is a psychological state of awareness and clarity. It is a present moment-to-moment experience allowing personal analysis to occur.
Believing in mediation as a means to mindfulness, Chopra has countless bodies of work available for guided meditation. I began by setting a goal of guided meditation at least once a week. For example, I downloaded Chopra’s album on iTunes, Chakra Balancing Body, Mind and Soul. Beginning my day with a short meditation before breakfast and after washing up was a way of centering myself in preparation for whatever the day may bring.
Our heads become so messy and cluttered with anxieties. You need to hardcore declutter, I mean it. Literally clear out all the clothes I know you don’t wear anymore, old notebooks from highschool, old documents on your computer, and especially do yourself a favor and delete old embarrassing photos on Facebook.
After a physical decluttering I looked into the friends I kept. This is a personal decision not all of you may feel you need to make. But for me it was the tough decision I was forced to make. During the year of personal growth I realized that my friends were not people who lifted me up but instead brought me down. I came to this conclusion after months of feeling put down by people I had been friends as far back as high school or the first day of college. It’s an assessment of investment and profit. You have to ask yourself, “am I getting back what I’m putting in?”
Far along in the journey I needed to dig deep to discover what I wanted from life, what my passions truly were, how I could applicate them. As a writer, it was like I discovered an untapped oil rig of potential and creativity. I became a sponge to knowledge discovering knew aspects of humanity and new stories to be told because my mind was clear and my antennas were up.
In AA they teach you to accept the things you cannot change. I am not an alcoholic but I have suffered from things beyond my control and I have made irreversible mistakes. I have hurt people I care about and I have sure enough been hurt by people more than I could count on my hands. Whether it is love or friendship they both require trust. Humans are pre-determinately sensitive to betrayal and if you’ve been hurt before especially as a child you are a thousand times more sensitive. As a result we are less inclined to trust or to accept trust.
As a part of personal grothI wanted to break down that barrier in my life. If you are going to change at all you need to let go of your pain and better calculate when to trust and when to be vulnerable.
Straight from the page of one of my favorite books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower Sam said, “we accept the love we think we deserve.”
Towards the end of my journey there was a call to action, more self love. The lessons I learned along the way became tools for change. I understood what I wanted out of life in the present. I wanted to learn to be better at letting go of pain, become more articulate and louder in getting what I wanted, I wanted to travel, to be more knowledgeable, and I wanted to fall in love. Fall in love with who I was and in turn let the universe love me back.
Now a year later the greatest truth I obtained on the truth seeking journey was that it is a never ending journey. Life is always going to be chaotic and you won’t be able to slow it down, all you can do is adapt end endure.This journey is purely about getting behind the steering wheel of your own life.