The Mayan Calendar. Heaven’s Gate. The Zombie Apocalypse. Jehovah’s Witnesses. Since the beginning of time, humans have had a fascination with predicting when and why the world will end. Well we may not have to wait much longer, because as of this month the potential end of the world is now plummeting towards the Earth from outer space!
In 2007, the Chinese National Space Agency launched the space station Tiangong-1 into orbit for an indefinite period of time. However, what was initially heralded as a historic moment for the budding Chinese space program is proving to be more Earth-shattering than previously thought. After sending astronauts to the station on only three separate occasions, the Agency has now completely lost communication with the satellite. In mid-September, it was announced that Tiangong-1 will almost certainly come crashing back to Earth sometime in late 2017.
Although it is uncertain exactly where the station will land and whether or not it will send our planet up in flames, I have decided to gather a list of ways to prepare for this potential armageddon anyway:
- Go door to door, asking people if they have heard the good news.
- Carry a five dollar bill and three quarters in your pocket at all times.
- Purchase brand new pair of black and white Nike Decades.
- Invest in a power generator.
- Eat a Fat Sandwich.
- Fight World War Z with TNT.
- Spend the equivalent of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s accumulated earnings as of 2010.
- Give “Gangnam Style” one more view on YouTube.
- Watch the entirety of National Geographic’s Doomsday Preppers.
- Waste your last remaining moments on Facebook meme pages.
- Try not to get kidnapped by John Goodman and kept in his underground bunker.
- Get stuck on one last EE.
- Complain online about Apple replacing the pistol emoji with a water gun.
Realistically, the majority of the station is likely to disintegrate in space before any debris has the chance to strike the Earth. If anything does make it through the atmosphere, it is even more unlikely that fragments will land in populated areas, putting human lives at risk. If anything, the flaming debris should provide an elaborate light show in the sky, so make sure to wish upon a falling fragment of Tiangong-1 sometime next year.
by: Natalie Straub